A few months ago, I had to empty, donate, distribute and clean my niece’s apartment. She had been found dead by the police whom I had called because her brother and I were worried about her and hadn’t heard from her. They came to my door just before midnight and you just know when you open the door what they are going to tell you. The funeral arrangements, service and few weeks after are pretty much a blur though you manage because you have to. She died from complications of diabetes and other medical issues. She had spent a year trying to find out what was wrong with her and why she couldn’t eat, etc. She spent most of that time in and out of the hospital becoming more depressed with each visit.
I have been blessed with relatively good health most of my life and even though I have abused my body with alcohol, etc. it ticks on like the ever-ready bunny and I take it all for granted. The hard part about life is knowing that sooner or later it will end – guaranteed! You can talk all you want about cryogenics and other means of extending life but in reality you only get the one chance to live. Depending upon what you believe in, you might come back – either as a human, an animal or plant. You might go to heaven or hell. You might just return to dust, again; it doesn’t matter – you’ll be dead!
Don’t be that person who says I wish I’d done more, been there for people, helped that homeless person on the street, loved more! Make that happen!
While carrying out stuff from the apartment to the garbage bin outside, I dropped something on my foot and still have a blue bruise on my big toenail. Every morning when I have a shower I look at it and remember my niece and the good person she tried to be despite all the tragedy in her own life. She looked after people who were dying. Talked to them, helped them with bathing and taking medication and bonding with them even though she knew their time was short. She ensured that there would be someone with them in their final moments and let’s face it – that’s what most people are afraid of – dying alone. It takes a special kind of someone to do that week in and week out and I’m grateful that they had her there. I only wish there had been someone there for her when she took her last breath.
It is comforting to know that she is with her grandmothers and grandfathers and all those close to her who went on before her. While I grieve her loss because she was still young and I miss her even though we weren’t particularly close and I wish we had been better friends, I feel guilty that I didn’t reach out to her more when she needed someone. Why is it so hard to let people you love know that you do love them!