ASHES TO ASHES

If you should choose to have yourself cremated instead of buried in a cemetery perfectly preserved in whatever state you happened to be in when the grim reaper knocked on your door; there are certainly several methods available to you. Some of the conservative ways are to have your ashes put into an urn and then in a grave or interred into what looks like mailboxes at your local UPS store or placing the urn on your mantelpiece, provided you have a fireplace at home.

We are not interested in boring, we want the dramatic. If we can’t have a Viking shooting an arrow out over the water to set the barge with our remains on fire then – we might consider some of the alternatives in the list below.

• Underwater Reefs: Ashes are mixed with environmentally safe concrete to form a reef ball placed on the ocean floor, helping to rebuild marine habitats.
• Vinyl Records: Some services press ashes into a functioning vinyl record, which can include a personalized soundtrack or recorded voice messages.
• Aerial Scattering: Ashes can be released during a skydive, often from over 10,000 feet, allowing them to disperse over a significant landscape.
• Cremation Diamonds: Carbon can be extracted from the ashes to create synthetic diamonds which can then be set into jewelry.
• Hot Air Balloon or Drone Release: Ashes can be scattered from a hot air balloon or a drone over a scenic location for an aerial tribute.
• Glass Art Pieces: Ashes are mixed with hot glass by artisans to create unique, colorful vases, paperweights, or ornaments.
• Memorial Tattoo Ink: Remains are sterilized and mixed with tattoo ink, allowing for a permanent memorial tatto
• Space Burial: A portion of remains can be launched into space, with options for orbiting the Earth, traveling to the moon, or entering a deep-space journey.
• Memorial Fireworks: Stuffed into fireworks so we can light up the sky one last time and shower sparks and ashes on the family and friends below
• An Hourglass: Taking some of the ashes, putting them in an hourglass and using it to mark the time at family game nights, probably a preferable option if you spent most of your time at these games, yelling at your opponents or trash talking them. A quieter alternative, if you will.

Which ever method you choose, I feel it is vital that you honour the wishes of the person who requested it upon their death.

When my brother died, he had left instructions that his ashes were to be spread in various places in Ontario and a few in PEI. If you are of the mind that you will be reincarnated, this may become tricky; however we did do this for him. As this was not technically legal, we were very subversive in carrying out his instructions.

My brother had a certain sardonic sense of humour. I was to spread his ashes at the place where he worked, the place he lived most of his adult life, the grounds of the house where he lived when he died, and the garden at the house we grew up in. The first three were relatively easy and all in the same City. The last, not so much! Our old house had been torn down and a huge mansion built in its place and most of the garden had disappeared but there were a few bushes near the road just off their driveway.

My older brother and my best friend had come with me for moral support. He, however, parked the car at the end of the road in case the cops came and they could make a quick getaway leaving me to explain the situation. That’s a different kind of support! I had some of the ashes in a film canister and casually dropped them in the bushes as I languidly walked by the driveway. Thankfully no one came out to ask what I was doing, no alarms went off, no dogs barking, etc. We had pulled it off!

Even though there was some concern on my part, I respected his wishes and I hope that when my time comes, my family will respect mine. How would you like your remains to be scattered? Were there some methods I have left out that you would prefer?